i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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