Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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