You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
