You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
