my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
