If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
