that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
