the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
