my mouth tastes like poor choices
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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