she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize