i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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