Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
