The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
