So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
