SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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