his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
