Ambien. No doubt about it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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