is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
