I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
