I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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