Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
