also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
