I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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