NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
