I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
