I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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