Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
