Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize