Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize