i think my tv is drunk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
