i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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