In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
