I've blown a few things in my day
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
