He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
