Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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