dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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