I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
