I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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