Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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