Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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