Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
