i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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