when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
