I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
