thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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