You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
