just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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