people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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