I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
