he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
