she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
