U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
