I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
