do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
