I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
