Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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