Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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