Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
