and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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