saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
