honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
