Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
