i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He literally asked permission to hit on me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize