And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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