kristin has been a bad kristin
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
