If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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