im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
sex in a hospital.. check
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
