I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
