Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
