where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cockslap morals
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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