The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
