walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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