I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
